A note from us, at 3am
From day one, my brain and my body just would not wind down at night. I felt stuck in "coming up" mode — wired all day and all night. My body didn't want to sleep a full night. I didn't know what it felt like to sleep all seven nights of the week. I was just on, all of the time, with no sign of tiredness.
It's incredibly lonely. The time that used to fly — three days blurring into one — I was now counting minute by minute on the clock. Too much time, too much silence. But that's ok. Use this time to figure out what you like, as this new sober you. Find a series with a lot of seasons. You'll need it.
It took me five weeks for my sleep to start regulating naturally. A typical day at the start: only getting tired at 6am, a quick disco nap on the couch, up at 8, shower, wash my hair, take my journal picture, ready for work at 9. And for the first time in six years I didn't have to think of an excuse for why my camera "wasn't working" again. I was up and functioning like a normal human.
You need a bedtime routine — the same thing over and over, every night — but make it an experience. A reward for you, from you, for getting through the day without using. Mine was a hot bubble bath, candles lit, blackout blinds, the hot shower running to make a steam room, headphones in. Make your sobriety playlist, or pick your sobriety album. That music becomes so important — it grounds you on the good days and the bad.
Get lost in the music. Feel the water. Fill up your time, sweat it out. Sometimes I'd be in there two full hours fighting the good fight — but the craving goes. I'm feeling clean, I'm looking clean, I'm buzzing because I've done it. Another night got through. And I know it'll happen again tomorrow, but now I know what keeps me occupied for a couple of hours, so I'll just do that again.
At night I listened to sleep hypnosis — The Hypnotist podcast covered sleep, anxiety, addiction, a whole range. I let the playlist run, night after night. Sometimes I'd still be awake after six episodes, but I still closed my eyes and rode the wave, going through the motions of sleep. Soon I was asleep after two. I just needed to be consistent.
— Can't Say Sober Admin